Have you ever wrestled with God?

Have any of you ever wrestled with something? I am not talking about the kind of wrestling where two people physically try to subdue the other through strength, speed and agility. I am talking about the kind or wrestling that occurs when God provokes change or opens the door for change in your life, but your flesh (carnal nature, mental faculties, or worldly desires) resists. Well, the reason I ask is because I have been wrestling with something for a while now.

Since I can remember, I have known that in order to follow Christ whole heartedly and be a hundred percent committed to Him, I need to surrender everything I am and have to Him. When I was younger I used to think that I had definitely surrendered all things to Him. I was not living for anything other than God, and I was not withholding anything from Him. Yet as I grew in Christ, my prayer has often been that I would be more than a nominal Christian, I wanted to be just like Christ to His glory and Honor. So it is natural (because the natural response to prayer is that God answers) that the Spirit has shown me areas in my life that needed change. Many of these areas I had to be intentional about changing and praying through once the Sprit made me aware of them. Other areas, change happened more naturally as I grew in knowledge and grace. Well God has once again made me aware of something in my life that needs to change, and until it does I cannot be at perfect peace, be content or be confident of my complete surrender to Christ. Now read carefully what I said; my desire is definitely to be completely surrendered to Christ and to be wholly content and at Peace in Him. However, the actual surrender is something we all must deal with and be intentional about.

Each day tends to bring something that we have to wrestle with. There are always choices, decisions, desires and passions that have to be dealt with. For those in Christ, wrestling with such things means choosing righteousness and not giving into the flesh. However, what I am wrestling with is not one of those kinds of things. I think what I am wrestling with is a potential life altering thing and honestly it scares me a little.

I am wrestling with the fact that I have never fully given over to God my possessions or money. Yes I tithe, and have even given toward things outside of my tithe. I have made wise choices with my money by staying clear of as much debt as I can even though it means definite sacrifices. The debt that we do have from our college loans we are trying to pay off quickly and we spend minimally on fun things like eating out.

So how can I say that I am wrestling with the fact that I have never fully given over to God my possessions or money? Because I find myself not always giving with a glad heart, because I find myself desiring more or better and complaining about what I do have, because I am struggling with the reality of what it means to trust fully in God and not on a paycheck to provide for me and my family. This is only part of it because I know that in order for me to stop wrestling with God I need to show him I am willing to trust Him fully, and it’s how I need to show him that is scaring me. It isn’t enough for me to say to Him, that I trust him, because we all know that words are easy to say.

I have found that a large portion of my security rests in saving money. Because I have a little saved I feel like I have some sort of safety net. The problem is, that my security and safety is not in God then, rather it is in having money, or in the ability to get myself out of an emergency. Further, I know that my wife and I would love to have a home of our own someday and often I find myself desiring what others have rather than being grateful for the wonderful home that we rent (which was an answer to prayer). So, I am wrestling with giving over fully all possessions, money and desires to God.

I always watched people around me struggle with finances. In fact I knew a pastor who his family struggled greatly in this area and sometimes he even had to work up to three jobs at a time in order to get by. I grew up desperately not wanting to live like that, with the stress of wondering where the money is going to come from to pay the heating bill or what will happen when the old car you have been driving quits. Yet, I have to admit that I don’t know their situations fully. Besides that, the issue is still, do I trust God enough to give up all things for Him.

Now, I honestly am not sure what God is asking me to do. I am in prayer about that. But I do know that I want to surrender all to God, no matter what the cost, no matter how painful. Jesus is worth it and besides he gave up all He had for me. I am going to have to make my flesh bow, and will have to give way for God’s Spirit to wrestle that flesh into submission. I suppose when God reveals to me how I can show him that I am willing to surrender all, and I either do it or don’t then the wrestling will stop. I am confident in Christ that God will give me the strength I need to choose Christ, to choose righteousness and to crucify the flesh.

So, have you wrestled with God before? Have you surrendered all to Him? Are you willing to surrender all? Are you bold enough to pray that God will show you what you have not yet surrendered? Are you bold enough to pray that Christ will help you to become a hundred percent committed and an all surrendering disciples of His? If we are not willing to surrender all to God, we will live a life in Christ that is unfulfilled, we will miss out on the great blessings and abounding power and fruitfulness in Christ.

I have been very open, vulnerable and honest in this writing because I believe sharing what I have can help others grow, challenge others and move others toward a deeper relationship with God. God is good, so the next time you wrestle with Him, count it a blessing that He is trying to make you more like Himself.

Mark 4:18-20
Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; 19 but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.

Luke 9:23-26
"If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. 24 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. 25 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?

1 Tim 6:17
Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth , which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

1 Tim 6:6-10
But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8 But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9 People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money , have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

Heb 13:5
5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."

Rom 15:13
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Matt 6:24-27
"No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

25 "That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?